When I first found out I was pregnant,
I ordered the pregnancy "Bible" What to Expect When You're Expecting. I read that thing cover to cover, even the scary
stuff in the back of the book. That part of the book covered a lot of very rare stuff, so I figured I wouldn't need to pay too close attention because the chances of it happening to me were slim.
But wouldn't you know it, I fit into those slim margins of pregnant women for quite a few things.
One of the not-so-scary but still super annoying and weird things that happened
while I was pregnant was a varicose vein.
In the “Second Month” chapter of
What to Expect, there's a frequently asked question about
varicose veins. If you're like me, you assume that varicose veins
happen in your legs. And you probably know the ways to prevent
varicose veins while pregnant, such as not sitting or standing too
long, not doing any heavy lifting, getting enough exercise, watching
your weight, etc.
But did any of you read the next
question in that chapter?
When I was in my fifth month of
pregnancy, I felt a small bump on my lady parts. I assumed it was an
in-grown hair and figured it would go away on its own.
But it didn't. And it wouldn't have
been such a big deal except it was getting uncomfortable. So I went to my OBGYN and had her look
at it.
“Put a warm washcloth on it,” she
advised. “That will help it go down.”
Well, the only thing that did was make
my pants and underwear wet.
So after about a month of that, I
finally called my dermatologist thinking that she could remove the
in-grown hair, if necessary. But I couldn't get an appointment with
my regular dermatologist because, apparently, she only does yearly
mole checks (for me) and Botox (for everyone else). But the other
doctor in the practice was available!
And he was male.
I'm not against male doctors, but I
tend to like female doctors, especially if they're going to view my lady parts. I figured that my lady parts were going to be on
display pretty soon anyway during childbirth, so I might as well get
used to a stranger (male or female) checking them out now. I made the appointment.
I left work early and rushed over to the dermatologist's office. I was so excited that this thing would finally get taken care of. But after examining me, the doctor said, “There's
nothing I can do for you.”
That's not what I wanted to hear!
“It's not an in-grown hair,” he
said. “It's a cluster of blood vessels. It's like having a varicose
vein on your leg, only it's not on your leg.”
Yes, ladies, I ended up with a varicose
vein on my lady parts!!!
According to What to Expect,
“Varicose veins can also appear in the genital area (and in the
rectum, where they're called hemorrhoids), for the same reason you
might get them in your legs” (p. 158).
The dermatologist told me that he
couldn't surgically remove the bump because I was pregnant, but it
would go away on its own once I was done being pregnant. (If it
wasn't gone three months post-partum, then I was to go back in to
have it removed.)
“The good news,” the doctor said,
checking out my very pregnant belly, “is that you don't have long
to go.”
Thankfully, the bump did go away on its
own and even before I gave birth. I think the pressure of my
too-small underwear (do they even make pregnancy underwear??) due to
my super enlarged pregnant belly acted like compression hose. So it all worked out in the end.
I don't know the statistics of how many
women are affected by genital varicose veins, but it has to be enough
that it warranted a section in What to Expect. So if you're
pregnant or planning on getting pregnant, keep that book near you
because you never know when you're going to have to look up crazy
stuff like that.
What weird stuff happened to you while you were pregnant?
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